Defining Family

Last week my son came home from school with a note explaining that the students would be completing a collage on “belonging” this week, and that I needed to supply a collection of photos of “family members and favourite family activities” for him to use. So, this morning as I was going through our <ahem> rather ample options, I was struck by the realization that I no longer consider “related by blood or marriage” to be the only way that I define family. Yes, we have our little nuclear “fambily” – myself and my husband and our two boys…and the extended rellies that we keep up with…but there are also people who we have chosen to be a meaningful part of our lives that I think should be included in my son’s sense of belonging.

My “soul sister” and I, and one lucky rubber chicken, circa 1987.

I won’t bore you with the details of my complicated extended family, but suffice to say that there are definite gaps in the emotional ties within the “blood and marriage” group. Over time, I have come to realize that just because somebody is technically “family”, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they value you any more than if you weren’t. And just because somebody is “family”, you really don’t have to put up with their bad behaviour, no matter what societal mores might dictate. As a result, I have formed bonds with people who are not merely friends, but who are like sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, even parents to me – only more so, because they remain part of my life by mutual choice. And for these people, I am forever grateful.

May the tribe we have created – composed of traditional family and chosen family alike – continue to nurture and provide a place of belonging for us and our children.