Forgiveness

The other night, as I was curling up in bed to read before falling asleep, I happened to pull out a book called “Forgiveness: Wisdom From Around The World” by Gillian Stokes from my nightstand. Lately the whole “reading before bed thing” is chancy at best, so instead of trying to keep up with a book of fiction, I have a stash of little books that you can read a small snippet of when the opportunity presents itself – poetry, short stories, short essays, etc. Anyhow. If you know me well, you also know that I don’t exactly have a great relationship with my mother (understatement of the century), and I am looking for ways to make peace with it somehow… hence the book. In any case, I randomly opened the book to a page and started reading… and I proceeded to have what I believe Oprah calls an “A-ha Moment”. I thought I might share it with you here.

Forgiveness.

Regrettably some people suffered so much as children that they learned to shut down their feelings in order to survive with some semblance of sanity… In this position, many learn to split off their feelings from events. Such individuals may subsequently find it hard to understand when, as adults, their actions cause pain to others. Because their own feeling nature has closed down, perhaps irretrievably, they no longer have access to empathy or sympathy. To judge such a person as you would yourself is inappropriate… They have no training in society’s ground rules, and we should not be surprised if they have acquired different, perhaps horrifying, life strategies. Past maladjustment may be redeemed, but usually only after the offenders have been burned by others’ reactions to their antisocial behavior. If a habitual response ceases to work well, they may decide to reform, but if the fear of losing the protective wall of unfeeling is too great, they may never change.

And in an instant, something inside me shifted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to ring her up and invite her out for tea any time soon. But. It’s given me a lot to think about and has actually softened my hurt a little. Isn’t it funny how looking at something in a different light can totally change things? Anyhow. I just thought I might share. And now, I am off to spend the rest of nap time enjoying the first pomegranate of the season in a sun-filled bathtub. Have yourself a wonderful day. 🙂